Specks

When they came to the crowd, a man came up to Jesus, falling on his knees before Him and saying, "Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is a lunatic and is very ill; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. "I brought him to Your disciples, and they could not cure him." And Jesus answered and said, "You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him here to Me." And Jesus rebuked him, and the demon came out of him, and the boy was cured at once. Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not drive it out?" And He *said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. ["But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting."]

Matthew 17:14-21 NAS95

At this moment I have about four things running around in my mind that want to come out onto the screen about this passage. Let me apologize right now if this turns into two or more separate musings. So that I can corral these thoughts (funny thing, you may never ever see this part unless you read the draft it is going into) let me enumerate them.

1. I want you to see an actual mustard seed. It is tiny, about the size of a 12-point Arial font “period.”

2. If you get one of these in your shoe you would either:

a. Fail to notice it, or

b. It would drive you up a wall with discomfort.

3. Most newer translations call the boy in our passage of the day an epileptic. A friend of mine got really mad about calling the boy epileptic as a friend of his had epilepsy and he felt it was wrong to define the “lunatic” in this passage as an illness.

4. I would rather have the illness of epilepsy than be deemed a lunatic.

Number four gives me lots to think about. Why? You might ask. As a disturbed thinker, there might be a few people who think I am a lunatic. Which leads to another whole conversation regarding the origins of “lunatic” and its relationship to the moon, aka the lunar planet, but that is another conversation.

Okay, so why this passage? As I write to you today I am facing some stuff in my life that has me thinking about the size of my faith. Let me try to explain without going into too much detail.

When I was ten months old I swallowed some baby cereal and it went into my lungs. To save my life they operated on both lungs removing about 1/3 of the right lung and a small chunk from the left. It never was a problem until a surgery about 12 years ago that left the diaphragm on the right lung paralyzed. Since then getting enough air has been a problem. If you know me personally you know I sometimes struggle with breathing but, so do millions of other people in the world.

How then is this a matter of faith? I have been praying that the damage to my lung would heal and I would get better and be able to do stuff again. Stuff like preaching, teaching without struggling, walking more than a few steps, etc. However, my faith wavers. (Please don’t rush to get your Bible to read me James 1:6,7. I know the verses by memory, and I feel the conviction.) Should a man of my age even be worried about this, and then why not (wish you could see how hard I hit the keys when typing “why not”). How dare I even wonder, some might think I should be claiming and confessing my healing. Right? Don’t think for a minute that I just sat around and went “poor me” when this happened. I fought back, but it has been a losing battle. Then today I was looking for something in my desk drawer and I found a business card from a dynamic preacher I met 20 years ago during a healing revival in Atlanta, Georgia. On the card is printed verse 17 of our Scripture passage, “if you have faith the size of a mustard seed.” There is also a mustard seed laminated to the card. And I am distressed and disturbed, all at the same time.

Here is the crux of my issue. I have been praying, and a dear brother in Christ has been praying that I would get healed from this lung issue. Last week my pulmonologist told me there is a new surgery that could repair the damage and reverse my symptoms.

On one hand, it could be the answer to our prayers, on the other it could be a distraction keeping me from believing that God will heal my lung, and then on the other hand I really don’t want to have the surgery, but...on the other hand, am I going to be the fool on the roof who drowns because he does not accept the boat ride that God provided during the flood? Then on the other hand (I feel like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof) what if I have the surgery and it is not successful?

I am disturbed. I am participating in a season of prayer and fasting, so is that why I have been given this opportunity?

I need to stop now and get to my point. It is summed up in these two Scripture passages:

"For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 NAS95

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17 NAS95

There really is nothing that God cannot do, so I know He can speak the word and my issue is gone, I also know that He gives men and women incredible abilities, so the surgeon’s skill and knowledge could be the perfect gift that changes my world. Herein lies the paradox.

My experience teaches me that if you have stuck it out to now with me today, you might just have a struggle in your faith as well. You might be wondering “will it be faith or?” I like what one preacher friend said: “take the pills along with the Gos-Pill (gospel).” It goes to the heart of a quote from Ignatius, “work like everything depends on you, pray as if everything depends on God.” (See Day 198) I will be praying for you today.