Suicide

The following musing will be in my next volume of Disturbed Thinking. But, this is Christmas time. The "Happy Holidays" time of the year. The time of the year when suicide rates rise in our world. There is help available right now @ 988 on your phone. If you are thinking of inflicting harm to yourself, pick up the phone now and get help. Then read today's blog. Write me at insomnis24x7@outlook.com. Your life, or the life of someone you know, is way too valuable to lose to suicide. Call 988 now if you need help. Ron.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us. 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 NAS95

A dear friend confided in me this week about a struggle they were facing in their personal life. My heart broke as I listened to the pain in their voice. It took me back to a very painful time in my own life. A time when this passage became life and breath to me.

To be brutally honest, I was a patient in the psych ward of a hospital in Kansas City. How I ended up there is quite simply I had a bad drug interaction that left me catatonic. Before becoming non-communicative I had expressed a desire to commit suicide. There I was, unable to speak and in a psych ward on suicide watch. No one was sure why I was in the condition I was in, but I can still remember how really bad it was. Unable to speak, or sleep, sitting on the ledge of the barred window, staring at the world as it went by the door to my room.

It has been 22-plus years since that day, but as I write it is as vivid in my mind as if it were happening right now. Unable to even participate in my own care, the staff of the hospital took it all in stride and gently cared for me. It was in that situation my pastor at the time, (I was not pastoring by serving as a minister under appointment to a parachurch organization) walked through the door to my room. My wife was not even allowed to visit yet, but here he comes bounding through the door.

He always had lots of energy, and on this occasion, the energy was a sharp contrast to what I was doing. I was motionless. My pastor sat down and started to read the above passage. I don’t know if he read it once, or twice or ten times. It swirled in my mind and I could not even focus until he spoke these words to me. “Ron,” he said. “Paul was writing about being suicidal. The Psalmist David wrote about wanting to take his own life as well. You are not alone in this struggle.”

Twenty-two-plus years later I can still remember his words. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t cry, but I could hear. I heard the Word of God and it brought life into my darkness.

I shared this experience with my friend, and I watched as the tears rolled and a new awareness took root in their mind. We are not alone in the struggle over life and death. Paul declares it boldly, we had the sentence of death in our own bodies, and we could not trust ourselves.

But thanks be to God the Corinthians were praying. If you will read on a bit further to verse 11:

you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 1:11 NAS95

You quickly discover Paul acknowledges it was the prayers of the church that helped them through the darkest of hours. It was my pastor’s wisdom and prayers that got me through those dark days and the prayers of many in the church that sustained me through the days ahead.

I wish I could tell you everything got better when the side effects that cause the issue wore off. It took a while to get everything back to near normal.

That is what I shared with my friend this week. I don’t know why I am writing this. I have seldom spoken about this time in my life. But I sense now is the time to tell you, dear reader, about this. Rather than disturbing me this passage comforts me. I know it comforted my friend. Maybe God wants you to comfort someone in your scope of influence today with this passage.

Paul had it tough, but the prayers of friends and the church helped pull him through. Whom are you praying for today? Who are you reaching out to that you know is in a struggle? Perhaps you are the one struggling. There is help for the struggle. Do not let this day pass without calling someone, and sharing your need for help.